I liked this:
“Many people think that to fight means you have to shout or punch. I
think to fight means to stick up for your feelings and thoughts and
really communicate your true feelings – so it’s really fighting to be
heard – so the other person knows the real you – that’s
intimacy.” I suggested in Part 1 to not “fight” with people who are dangerous.
Those who shout, punch, yell, scream or manipulate
are not safe people. Maybe an intimate relationship can be
established at another time with people who continue to harm you.
In the meantime, stop rocking the boat; get out of it while
you can! Jesus will find you a new one with people who are safe.
It’s not wrong to continue to love people who do not seek intimacy
To love is never “wrong”. Remember that love seeks
intimacy. Love seeks those relationships where true feelings and
thoughts can be communicated. Love motivates us to share “the real
you”. Love moves us to “want to be heard”. Proof: I have no desire
to share “the real me” with people I do not love. Do you?
Love IS messy! Sometimes Love doesn’t look like Love! Love doesn’t
look like Love when we “people please” or become “rebellious”. Both
are unhealthy reactions to rejection. We tend to “people please” and
become “rebellious” when we want intimacy and the other does not.
Little children “rebel” and/or “people please” in order “to be
heard”. They don’t know any better. We adults need to know better!
The truth is that some people who we seek to share ourselves with, do
not want that kind of relationship with us. We need to let them go.
We need to grieve the loss of “what could have been” or “what was”
when people who we’ve had an intimate relationship with don’t want
that any longer.
Letting go: a process where we become honest with ourselves and feel
our feelings. This is a most difficult process! Broken hearts
cannot be fixed! They need to heal.
Healing is possible as our broken hearts connect with Jesus and others
who we are safe with to live out the real us: “I think to fight means
to stick up for your feelings and thoughts and really communicate your
true feelings – so it’s really fighting to be heard – so the other
person knows the real you – that’s intimacy.”
Photo: Lough Corrib, August 2010