A few thoughts occur.
Anxiety
I think that all interaction on the internet is prone to produce an anxious response if one is not careful. For myself, I understand the reason for this. It relates to the idea of “intermittent reinforcement“, the subject, for the sake of clarity of a separate post in due course, but which I describe here briefly as the phenomenon of never quite knowing when someone is going to respond to your contribution, or whether they will respond at all and feeling anxious as a result. I believe that knowingly constructing situations of intermittent reinforcement is cruel. Many of the points that follow are aimed at reducing the anxiety that arises in such a situation of intermittent reinforcement.
New posts
Once you have found a blog you like, you may want to know whether the writer has posted anything new recently. The most obvious way to check this is to visit his or her site. Those sites that only interest you vaguely are less problematic than those blogs written by people whom you feel that in some sense you have come to know and like, or whom are your real life friends already.
Generally, obviously, the more you know and like someone, the keener you are to see what they have written next. This can lead to frequent checking of the site to see if any new posts have appeared. If there has been a period of silence since the last blog, a normal response is probably to check increasingly often and then, after a while, to give up and find something else to read.
Post Feeds
It is usually possible to make things easier for yourself – to reduce the constant checking – by signing up to a “feed” or email alert.

Feed Symbol
Not all blogs allow a feed. There is only one reason why a blogger would not want his blog to have a feed. This is because each new visit increases the number on his stat counter. And bloggers are judged by the size of the number on their stat counter. People reading your blog via a feed will not feature in most visible stat counters – not in mine at any rate. You have to not mind too much about stats to allow a feed at all. The reality is that a person may read a blog once, and forever thereafter read it only by a feed. He may read loyally over years, but unless he visits the site, his interest will be invisible to the blogger. Most blogs do allow a feed or email subscription.
New Comments
However, the blogger’s post may be only part of your interest in the blog. You may also wish to read the comments that others have made on posts, and also any replies that the blogger has made to comments that you or others have made. Comments may appear much more frequently than posts and take on the nature of a spoken conversation rather than a more leisurely exchange of letters. In this case, if you are interested in the conversation, and particularly if you think you may wish to interject, you will want to be able to read comments as soon as they are posted.
Comment Feeds
Some blogs offer a “feed” facility for both posts and comments, or allow you to subscribe to email up-dates for comments to a particular post. Both mean, potentially, that visitors’ numbers are depressed, since – as with posts – to read a comment via a feed you do not need to visit the site. However, you still have to visit a blog to post a comment and there is possibly sometimes a greater likelihood that people will comment if they can easily keep up with discussions as they happen. And comments are generally good.
As a blogger, you have to weigh up the advantages and the disadvantages. I prefer to be able to take a comment feed from a blog I like to read, so I presume that my readers do too. I provide a comment feed as well as a post feed, and would encourage others, for the sake of their readers, to do the same.
Responding to Comments
Posting a comment on a blog, or a message board, or a forum is not much different from writing someone a letter, but is quite different from picking up the phone and speaking to someone, or meeting them face to face. There are two sorts of comments. Those in respect of which you would like an acknowledgement, and those which do not need any sort of reply. The latter are less problematic than the former. The former are, I would venture to guess, much more common than the latter.
There is no general rule of etiquette about whether a blogger should respond to a comment. My own view is that it is polite to respond to every comment for two reasons. First, because it acknowledges that the person who made the comment has taken time out of a busy day to let you know what they think. Secondly, because it is human nature to want attention, and most people who comment would, I believe, want their comments read and attended to. A response is a way of the blogger showing that he has indeed read the comment.
Besides, I am (usually) only too delighted that someone has commented, and I like to converse. So responding is a happy thing for me.
I have tried commenting on a few blogs where the response from the blogger is either non-existant or unpredictable, and have found it to be a very unrewarding experience which leads me to desert the blog. If the blogger does not respond to comments, it suggests that he is not interested in what the person commenting has to say. In which case, why invite comments in the first place?
So, should you choose to write a comment on my blog, I will respond to every comment which is published. If I don’t, it will be an oversight, and you may prod me for a response. I do not ignore people.
My next problem comes with my response to your comment. Should I try to encourage a conversation, or prolong a debate? I do not know the answer to this bit.
How many strokes?
Here, I think the language of Transactional Analysis is helpful in giving us a vocabulary for the discussion. Transactional Analysis sees all communication a bit like a tennis game, consisting of strokes. Strokes are good – at least, most people like them.
The game begins with one person hitting a ball over the net to the other person. The other person has the choice of letting the ball go without returning it, catching it, or returning it. If she returns it, the original person has the same choice of returning it, catching it, or stepping aside and letting it out. So if I say “hello, how are you?”, you may say nothing, or just “hello” or “hello, I haven’t seen you for a while, how are you doing?”.
The game could go on for ever. But games never do. In an ideal world, both people will have had enough at the same point and the game will end. At other times, one person wants the game to end earlier than the other person, usually leaving the other person feeling rejected. Face to face, this is quite easy to avoid – unless you intend to cause hurt, or are mind blind – but it is much more difficult on the internet. How do you know whether the person who has commented wants a two-stroke exchange, or a long conversation?
In real life, the length of the game is usually determined by the context and by our personalities. A two-stroke exchange is normal if you both pass each other in the street on your way to a meeting. Men’s exchanges with each other often have fewer strokes than equivalent exchanges between women. A longer exchange would be normal if you were sitting next to each other at dinner.
But the internet has no context, and people often trade on anonymity. And people live in different time zones. What is a relaxed time of day for me, might be your busiest hour? The potential for doing the wrong thing and causing disappointment is enormous, and enough to make you consider throwing the whole thing in.
So, if I respond to your comment with another comment which includes a question, you may not wish to respond. If you don’t respond, I look a bit stupid for having asked the question in the first place, and I feel sad that you haven’t answered the question. Being surprisingly reluctant to expose myself to the humiliation or the hurt, I am probably unlikely to ask further questions in my comment, unless I’m pretty sure that the person commenting will respond. If I don’t ask a question, you now know one of the reasons why. Which may be the same reason why you don’t comment on a blog.
Knowing that I will respond should ease anxiety. Of course, you will still not know when I will respond, and the different time zones are very unhelpful. My daily schedule is fairly unpredictable, which causes its own problems, but I am going to try to write posts on Sundays and Tuesdays or Wednesdays. I may write posts in between, if I have time, and will try to answer comments as soon as I can. I cannot stand passive aggressive behaviour, so rest assured that I will never delay responding to a comment on purpose.
Wouldn’t it be good if there was some symbol which a blogger could add to his or her blog which showed his or her commitment to responding to comments?
11 comments
Comments feed for this article
January 21, 2008 at 6:09 pm
ismini
I never realised the world of blogging is so complex. Thank you for introducing me to it though, I have really enjoyed reading so many different topics and views from all over the globe. One of the good things modern technology has offered to humanity.
January 21, 2008 at 7:54 pm
adifferentvoice
It probably isn’t – so complex – but I make it so. You’ll find out if you ever start writing your own …
January 21, 2008 at 9:29 pm
ismini
I wouldn’t dare start my own, besides I enjoy reading others’ too much to have the time and energy for my own. I really think you are very brave.
January 22, 2008 at 4:38 pm
adifferentvoice
Hmmm. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, I suppose. I watched a really interesting TV programme a couple of nights ago – the final of a photography competition. One of the two young finalists, Lizz Gordon, opted to take a series of pictures of herself, replaying torrid scenes from her life as an alcoholic leading up to her decision to become sober. They were wonderful pictures (despite the yucky subject matter). The final exhibition had these pictures on one side, arranged in a chaotic fashion. On the other side were pictures of just the feet of female recovered alcoholics. Now, I think that young woman was brave.
Link to some of her photos: http://www.flickr.com/photos/what_silence_looks_like/2206883107/
January 22, 2008 at 5:03 pm
Theophilos
This is a from-the-heart, eloquent post which I enjoyed very much.
On the anxiety part, I think you’ll discover after a while that things do get less stressful. You’re rather new to blogging (and I’m glad to decided to start) so there’s inevitably increased anxiety involved.
Feeds or no feeds? I personally say “go for feeds.” You may not get as many “recent visitor activity” returns in your stat counter, but I would err on the side of believing that many readers who prefer getting everything in one scoop are out there reading my stuff. You may or you may not know ANY of them… but if the blog is really successful, you’ll eventually get some of these folks visiting to post comments. I’ve seen it happen before.
Answering EVERY comment? Quite noble and very proper, but as long as the number of comments remains manageable. I am generally of the same frame of mind as you, yet there was a blog of mine in another life where there were 30 and 40 comments posted DAILY under a single post. That’s where you need to adjust and decide whether you’ll be spending the better part of day commenting on the comments (if you have the time, that is).
Having said that, I definitely vote for keeping close interaction with your readers. After all, this is something that lies at the heart of good blogging and demonstrates your respect for those who take the time to read what you write carefully enough to be able to post intelligent responses.
You say: “The potential for doing the wrong thing and causing disappointment is enormous, and enough to make you consider throwing the whole thing in.” Well, yes, there is this possibility, but let’s not make things too weighty and complex — blogging is supposed to be fun. I have discovered that when a conversation picks up it is better for you, the “Master,” to stay back and allow your commenters to develop the thread. You intervene only when there’s abuse or when things do get completely off on a tangent to more often than not shut comments down.
You’ve raised many interesting points here. We could talk a lot more about this. Again, an excellent post.
January 22, 2008 at 8:58 pm
adifferentvoice
Ted, I bow to your experience, and thanks for the nice comments. I certainly don’t have the time to deal with as many comments as your blog received. Nor do I anticipate them. These thoughts are definitely Work in Progress, as I’m having to work things out as I go along.
January 22, 2008 at 9:17 pm
John Halbrook
Very eloquent. You have given voice to all the different feelings I have had since I started my own blog. It is an attractive form of communication for the same reasons that trigger some of the anxiety– you can be anonymous and write in your old bathrobe, if you feel like it, and conjure up any subject you wish to write about. But you do want people to read the damn thing, otherwise you wouldn’t bother. And the only way you can be sure you are communicating is if readers respond in some fashion. Just like now. Serve and volley.
January 22, 2008 at 11:25 pm
Stavros
I have to agree with Ismini, blogging can be very complex. I am not talking about the technical aspects. Its dealing with people on a personal basis. True we may not be talking directly to each other, yet blogging is not impersonal, especially if we get to know our commenters to some degree over time. The anxiety increases a notch when the issues become contentious. The problem is that the really important and interesting issues are also the one’s that can cause a ruckus.
The time factor which you touch on is onerous if you are truly committed to answering comments and posting regularly. On the one hand, I love the things that blogging gives me a chance to do. Then again, I hate juggling my schedule in order to fit it in. Another form of blogger anxiety. The key is finding a middle ground, something I’m still grappling with.
Great post, I learned more than a few things which were new.
January 23, 2008 at 3:36 pm
adifferentvoice
Stavros,
And I have learned a great deal from you.
Elder Daughter is not at all keen on my blog. I made the mistake of trying to work out a schedule which allowed me time to write posts as well as all the other things which I have to do (which are often solitary and often mundane) and writing this schedule up so (I felt) I was in control , but she now stands over me waving the schedule, and is completely unforgiving of time spent away from her. I have tried to draw an analogy with the many hours she spends at the riding stables at the weekend (away from us), but this is not, apparently a fair comparison. So, time is a big problem, as is guilt now.
Tell me it gets easier as they get older…
January 23, 2008 at 7:15 pm
Stavros
Speaks volumes for the job you are doing when they want more time with you. I have found that as they get older they want to spend more time with their friends than with their parents. That’s normal but disappointing for some parents. Luckily as they approach young adulthood they begin to drift back and don’t think your stupid anymore.
Unfortunately it doesn’t get easier during the teenage years, maybe elder daughter will be an exception. Adolescence is tough on all concerned (remember your own?). Trying on new personas, trying to make sense of it all, wanting to be accepted, pushing for independence.
It is the ultimate test of your parenting skills. Be not afraid. Both of you will survive.
January 23, 2008 at 8:17 pm
adifferentvoice
You are very good at finding a positive way of looking at everything. Thank you.