But I also recognise that my husband found her a great deal easier than I did, and was far better able to ignore her. I also think she felt more at home with him.

I wish she had been able to say something like this …

“I know that if you looked like I look, you’d be feeling really miserable inside. But I’m OK. This is just how I am. I’d much rather you just got on with what you are doing, and ignored me, and I’ll be just fine. Please don’t take offence if I leave all your food - I’m very fussy. I also don’t mean to be rude, and I do appreciate all that you are trying to do for me, even if I’d rather be left alone. I don’t show much enthusiasm for anything, but I’m having a really nice time and you are all being very kind to me. I need lots of time alone, but it doesn’t mean I’m lonely. Please don’t do anything special for me - I’m happy just hanging around here all week. Oh, and did you say you had the Harry Potter DVD?”

Just checked out your site. What a wonderful place you live in. Looks as if there is fantastic riding roundabout.

Are you sure she doesn’t have Asperger’s.

I think I know what you mean …

Both girls tend to flood me with information/complaints/worries/frustrations as soon as they get home from school, and - if I’ve just got back from work - it can be a difficult time because I’m fixated on a cup of tea and period of enforced silence.

A couple of weeks ago, fresh from reading a section in another book about teenagers, I thought I’d try really, really hard to listen to what my elder daughter was saying. Reflective listening, reflecting back what she had said so that she knew that I heard her. It began quite well.

Lola B was sitting nearby and almost immediately piped up: “Mummy, have you just learnt a new parenting technique?”. It’s funny now, but at the time I was struck speechless. Was I so transparent?! Elder daughter was affronted and started shouting at me “You’re so fake!” … and Lola B was triumphant in her ability to detect any slight deviation from my normal imperfect behaviour.

In that moment I swore I’d throw all the books away.

But we’ve had some good experiences too.

And we just carry on doing the best we can, whenever we can, and loving them whatever. And hoping it all turns out alright in the end.

Sometimes the books are just useful to reassure me everything is entirely normal - just as comparing notes with other mothers of girls the same age can produce wreaths of smiles as we recognise how many experiences we share.
That is worth a lot.

Mind you, at this particular juncture and for many days hence, I think I will just be counting my blessings.